I have been counting the days ... and today marks the end of the first week of the new year. Three weeks left until I am an adult ... a full fledged member of society. I will be 18.
As accustomed when a birthday proceeds to slither and lurk around, the typical questions are asked. My answer is freedom and respect.
So does my period of adolescence end once I turn 18? Do I began to take complete responsibility for my actions or do I still get an allowance of two more years to discover myself, considering that the particular suffix "teen" is still attached to me for a little while longer? I never had much of a fulfilling childhood and now my so called “teenage hood” is over as well .I’m rebelling.
I can’t conceive the idea that I actually started this blog three years ago. I often go back and read posts from the previous years and laugh, thinking how something of such frivolity could be of any importance. I am always tempted to delete them but then I pause… and let them be. I keep them there to see my progression throughout time, I suppose. I want to change the name of my blog and the layout. I have been debating this for months now.
It's been a while since I have really written anything... Could be writers block, possibly loss of confidence, or post partum depression. Maybe even a bit of bi polar or borderline personality disorder. I just love to label myself.I have more than I can bear to hold in one palm to reflect upon. I seem to be at ease with my expression via short stories.
People have accused me of being evasive or a communist because I usually jump and plunge from topic to topic. But they cannot apprehend or even began to perceive what is in my head. They do not know that my thoughts are overflowing and tend to accidently spill, dripping leaving trails of my presence and aspirations.The past few years of my life have consisted of complete obsession with marriage and other sort of explorations that shall not be named (hint starts with the letter "s").
I have made a compromise to postpone marriage for a few years but I will not postpone my education as well. I’ll be willing to forget about marriage for a while if you allow me to drown in an endless pool of books, reading and only coming to the shallow surface for a breath of air.
You accuse me of wanting to grow up too fast. I know what I want from life and I’m going to get it, that’s all it really is. Some things have become more or less of a priority for me. Maybe my ultra passive personality has forced me to have an aggressive outlook on life. I can change my mind as I please, so I am kindly asking you not to interfere with my changes. “A wise man changes his mind, a fool never”
Being Arab has never felt so arbitrary for me. I’m not losing my religion I just refuse to associate myself with sectarianistic ideologies and live off an illusion called Arab nationalism.
I hear the news in the background
5 comments:
Beautiful post...
I am surprised... I never knew or even thought you were this young. You definitely emanate a strong sense of levelheadedness.
I admit I am not a dedicated follower for your blog. But I have read it from time to time. So I cannot understand what you mean by your 'obsession about marriage' since I don't remember coming across posts about marriage. As for sex, it's on all of our minds ;)
I don't want to sound patronizing... but, you're too young for marriage. You're almost 18. And the world awaits you. Again, I am not preaching... and you know yourself best :)
thank you...
The other day while I was at the bus stop I was getting rather hungry, so I took out my snack bag and started to munch on some cheerios.I heard a few girls snickering at me.They were probably wondering what is this lady in a long trench coat and stilettos eating cheerios.If they only knew...
I definitely hear you, my blog just recently started to become a little more personal for me.Hence, a little more jucier.
The last few posts.. "matrimonial ennui" and "let me be".
I always had those feelings I just kept them bottled up for such a long time.
Your not patronzing, its your point of view and your entitled to it.I think your just being a realist ;-}
I try to be a realist, but most of the time, I am far from it ;)
And, I'm enjoying what you have to write about. You should do it more often and keep it personal. It's what makes your blog worth coming to :)
Thanks for the tip my dear lemon, I'll definitely take it into consideration :0)
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